so finally

i'm going to do a real entry.

i've been working like crazy. i haven't seen most of the money yet because i was a slow poke getting my paperwork done but when i do get a check it'll be for probably around $1300 or $1400. can't really talk about that much more though...

i've started working in arlington a few days a week. the kids are really cool. there are boy-girl twins who are 8 and a 4 year old boy. the little boy reminds me of paul. yes, paul. they're funny though. we hang out and watch old nickelodeon shows from the 90s on Nick GaS. i feed them all and make sure they get outside for a while. they have good taste in music. i really like them.

i was stupid and agreed to take an extra couple hours on sunday, the day after the party. i'll have to leave by like 9:15. that sucks. i should've said no. i should've stood my ground. *kicks self in ass*

i thought i had so much to say but i'm not all that sure anymore.

i was in the bathroom, sitting there, and what walked out onto the window sill but a flat-bug, and a huge one at that. yuck. i tried to kill it was a big candle jar thing but i think it got away. it was very fast. how very yucky.

ok so the deal with ian is that we want him to get to iraq as soon as possible. the sooner he gets there, the sooner he can come home. his deployment is for a maximum of 18 months (not a minimum like the stupid chronicle says). he will only be in iraq for 12 months, that's the standard deployment time now. the remaining 6 months are there for them to futz around getting him there and back. on wednesday or thursday (we don't know which) he will leave and fly to virginia where he'll be for a couple of days before he flies back up to Ft. Dix (in jersey). he'll be there for a couple months. for at least one month he will be in a "mock iraq" where he will be cut off from the outside world. we are unclear whether this means he'll be able to write or not. he will probably be able to receive letters but it's not be likely that he'll actually be able to WRITE letters. he won't have much time. after that they want to give them some time off before the unit leaves for kuwait. he could get anywhere from one hour to 10 days off. obviously we want him to have the most time off possible. jersey is close enough for me to drive to if necessary. hopefully he'll have enough time to come up here although i don't know if they'll actually let him leave. as i said, it's all very unclear. basically i'm going to focus on mid-late september and just let myself believe that i'll be seeing him for a significant amount of time. i've decided that this is the best way to think of it, rather than acknowledging to myself that there's a chance i might not see him. about halfway through his time in iraq they SHOULD give him leave to come home. this is also up in the air. because of the way his job is setup he might not be able to leave. we're going to assume he'll be coming home on leave, regardless of the uncertain reality of the situation. if all goes well he COULD be back by early october 2006. if all goes kinda badly he won't be back till late january 2007. he'll be needing a lot of phone cards. because of his job he might even get a cell phone. he'll use the phone cards for the cell phone. they don't have that good of a signal though and there might be someone in maryland listening to the call anyway.

ian's in maine with his father and brothers so i'm home alone. it's kinda sad, i have to leave lights on. i have to go to work tomorrow and i'm really tired.

what i think is really going to get me is that while i'm lying in bed i'll hear someone come in the door downstairs and then i'll listen for steps on the stairs and wait to hear his key in the door. just like how the first time he left every time i heard a car door close i thought he'd be coming up the steps. it fades after a while though. i'll be here alone for so long. we've only lived here about 6 1/2 months. it'll be more than double that before he comes home. it'll come to feel more normal for him NOT to be here. i don't know how much of his stuff i should leave out and how much i should put away. it's weird to think about.